This is a list of really strange and stupid things I have run across over the years. I am starting with license plates because they are the easiest to find. Phone numbers, though, are the most ridiculous.
I've done allot of road travel in my life. From the time I was a baby my Dad always said I had been born on wheels. To ease the boredom, I have always had a habit of looking at license plates and trying to make words from the letter and number combinations. Some of the following are real, believe it or not, some are just ones I have thought up as being totally out of the ordinary.
1MA G1T - Hey, I'ma sorry. Don't they have a cure for that?
V1R G1N - this poor guy needs a friend. Real
P00 H3D - this is a real plate I saw one day on the turnpike. Real.
5HT H3D (shit head) - another that is real.
GM3 SUM - this one will definitely not get you laid anytime soon.
G0T 0FF - people will look at you like you are way too happy bouncing up and down in your car to your music.
1G0TVD - need I say more? Please, don't ever use this one.
UCK M33 - (fuck me) a real plate, originally inventive, but has since been used a hundred times. Real.
KUT 0FF - wow, sorry dude. Real sorry. Real.
P00 4BR (shit for brains) - I actually saw this one on the way to work today on the back of a BMW. Scary.
FAT GUY - ok. At least he's happy with himself. This is a real plate I saw on one of my road trips.
DVL 666 - hey, it's your lifestyle. Real.
HNY BUN - cute. And real.
1DI0T4 - I'm afraid to ask what happened to the first three. Real.
DUM B3R - I wouldn't be proud of this one. Real.
CTR STG - Center Stage - the license plate of an actor\director friend of mine. And no, I won't introduce you.
DAR WIN - A man after my own heart. Real.
GOT GME - Got Game. This is a real one, belongs to a pro basketball player.
TEKRITR - I'm proud of this one. Trouble was everyone thought it meant Tex Ritter. <sigh> It was mine at one time. Very real. And you can't have it, it's mine and has been for 18 years.
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Mr. Common Sense.
Mr. Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he
was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such value lessons as knowing
when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that
life isn't always fair.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than
you earn) and reliable Parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge).
His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but overbearing
regulations were set in place.
Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a
classmate;
teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired
for
reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Mr. Sense declined even further when schools were required to get parental
consent to administer aspirin to a student; but, could not inform the parents
when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
The next step in Mr. Sense’s decline was the push by animal rights groups to
give
animals the same rights as man while taking away the rights of their owners.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband;
churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their
victims.
Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that a
steaming
cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a bit in her lap and was awarded a huge
financial settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife,
Discretion,
his daughter, Responsibility and his son, Reason. He is survived by two
stepbrothers;
My Rights and Ima Whiner.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
From
Daniel Kurtzman,
Your Guide to Political Humor.
"I don't know what I said, but I know what I think, and, well, I assume it's
what I said."
"Needless to say, the President is correct. Whatever it was he said."
"Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me,
because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know.
We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some
things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns -- the ones we
don't know we don't know."
"If I said yes, that would then suggest that that might be the only place
where it might be done which would not be accurate, necessarily accurate. It
might also not be inaccurate, but I'm disinclined to mislead anyone."
"There's another way to phrase that and that is that the absence of evidence
is not the evidence of absence. It is basically saying the same thing in a
different way. Simply because you do not have evidence that something does
exist does not mean that you have evidence that it doesn't exist." -on Iraq's
weapons of mass destruction
"It is unknowable how long that conflict [the war in Iraq] will last. It could
last six days, six weeks. I doubt six months." -in Feb. 2003
"Well, um, you know, something's neither good nor bad but thinking makes it
so, I suppose, as Shakespeare said."
"Secretary Powell and I agree on every single issue that has ever been before
this administration except for those instances where Colin's still learning."
"Learn to say 'I don't know.' If used when appropriate, it will be often."
"I don't know what the facts are but somebody's certainly going to sit down
with him and find out what he knows that they may not know, and make sure he
knows what they know that he may not know."
"I'm not into this detail stuff. I'm more concepty."
"I don't do quagmires."
"I don't do diplomacy."
"I don't do foreign policy."
"I don't do predictions."
"I don't do numbers."
"I don't do book reviews."
"Now, settle down, settle down. Hell, I'm an old man, it's early in the
morning and I'm gathering my thoughts here."
"If I know the answer I'll tell you the answer, and if I don't, I'll just
respond, cleverly."
More to come...
Updated 02/01/2008