Fun Stuff

Please sign my Guest Book, I like to know who's been here and what you think.

www.ebolaworld.com/ - this site is a trip! No holds barred on the current administration that shall remain nameless. (Psssst. It's the Bushmeister, Jr. even Dad isn't agreeing with him anymore. Don't tell anyone, they might think I am not impressed with the White House policy to follow blindly, as if they were sheep. BAAAAAAA BAAAAA)

Clichés - I think I have used around 90% of these at one time or another. (hmmmm? was that a cliché?)

Click on any of the following links to see lists I have compiled of some of the fun things I find while wandering around the net.

Fun Things To Do In An Elevator

Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, motion sickness!"

Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

Politics Explained

This month’s Certifiably Funny submission comes from Adad. I’m not sure who should feel the most insulted – programmers, consultants or monkeys!! Thanks Adad! We’ll send you details soon on how to claim your free Brainbench T-shirt!

While he was there another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll have a C monkey please."

The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop, and took out a monkey. He fit a collar and leash and handed it to the customer, saying, "That'll be $5000."

The customer paid and walked out with his monkey. Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey - most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?"

The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can program in C - very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."

The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive - $10,000! What does it do?" "Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.

The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read $50,000.

He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?"

The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything, but it says it's a consultant."

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously
for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up
anyway, it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his
neighbors to come over and help him. They each grabbed a shovel and began to
shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening
and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down. A few
shovel loads later, the farmer looked down the well, and was astonished at
what he saw. As every shovel of dirt hit his back, the donkey did something
amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he
would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed, as
the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off.

The Moral:

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting
out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles
a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping,
never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up!
.

O.K., that's enough of that B.S. ... The donkey later came back, caught the
farmer out in the field and kicked the shit out of him. Then he went over to
each of his neighbors farms and kicked the shit out of them too for helping.

The REAL Moral:

When you try to cover your ass, it always comes back to get you.

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Remember the six simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred.

2. Free your mind from worries.

3. Live simply.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less.

6. Love with all your heart.

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Courtesy of Dribble Glass http://www.dribbleglass.com/jokes.htm

THE MATH WHIZ
A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read: "Dear wife, you must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight." When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows: "Dear husband, you, too, are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."

GRANDPA
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole." The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he puts the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hairspray, and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."

FIVE POUNDS OF FAT
Q: How do you make five pounds of fat look good?
A: Put a nipple on it.

RUNNING MAN
Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball. Suddenly, a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head and passes the three women. He passes the first woman, who looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband," she says. He passes by the second woman, who also looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband either," she says. He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her. "Wait a minute," she says. "He's not even a member of this club."

PEOPLE IN THE WORLD
There are 10 kinds of people in the world—those who get binary and those who don't.

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http://www.powerpets.com Ok this one is for those of you that want the Pokemon™-type games without having to buy anything. They are little "pets" you feed, love, raise and train for battle in an arena.

http://www.vgmuseum.com/ This is an oldie but goodie place to find all those games you grew up with on the computer (that is if you are currently over the age of 35 or so).

http://www.simtel.net This place has allot of links for old style arcade games. Pretty neat site.

www.neilrogers.com A man after my own heart... Damn the torpedos! Full steam ahead!

www.naked-air.com/index.htm - you have got to see this! I'm going to book my next vacation with them. I wanna go there and be naked for a week.

www.muppets.com Great site for everyone, unfortunately I haven't found my little hopping alien guys -- yep yep yep

...well, he can't do any worse than what we have now... Just click on the picture.

www.metaresearch.org/default.asp Kind of a cool site for those that are interested in spatial anomalies and research ("Scientifically viable challenges to mainstream paradigms").

www.phonebin.com/ Do NOT go here if you are offended by nudity and other things of a so-called "moral" nature.

Here are some of the newsgroups I belong to. Some actually give good information! ;-))

alt.folklore.ghost-stories There are some real characters here. But it is a fun group with some very weird stuff.

alt.pets.dogs.labrador A great group for lab owners and lovers. I have gotten nothing but good advice from these people.

rec.pets.dogs.rescue A wonderful group for the topic of dog rescue, fostering, and adoption.

furangels@yahoo.com Just go to yahoo.com groups and search for FurAngels. These people helped me tremendously when I had to put Fizzy to sleep. I still can't bring myself to finish his webpage.